I was talking to this guy for about 8 months after knowing him for 6+ years. Our relationship quickly turned into faux bf/gf. When I finally had to initiate the conversation of “where is this going? what are we?”, I got “we’re exclusive but I’m not ready for a relationship yet.” and “why do titles matter so much to you?” I explained that’s what I needed to feel confident and secure with our relationship moving forward. After several more tough conversations, he started to pull back, and so did I, until eventually we just stopped talking altogether. Honestly it has been one of the hardest “relationships” to get over, just because it felt so real until it didn’t. Plus, there was very little closure and many unanswered questions.
Why exactly do men want to do bf/gf stuff when they know they don’t want a gf? I mean I get it, they want intimacy and a connection, but it seems inevitable for that to go sour without set explicit boundaries. And it seems majority of the time, women have to be the ones to establish said boundaries.
How do I make it clear to new men I meet that I am not looking for another grey area relationship, without sounding intense and desperate? I don’t want to build a roster and date multiple people, and I also don’t want to jump into a relationship after a week. I would like to get to know someone with clear expectations that it is to see if we are compatible within a certain timeframe. I’ve tried to be open and honest, but it seems like I just meet sweet-talkers or they run away. I’m tired of trying to figure out how to “date” when it seems so many have their own ideas.
